John Chaffee, PhD. Creating A Thinking World
with John Chaffee, Ph.D. @www.thinkingworld.com

Identify Room For Improvement

Here are some of the key areas of language conflict:

  • When girls and women speak to each other, they invariably face each other and stay focused on the other's face. Boys and men, on the other hand, typically sit at angles to one another, their eyes moving around the room, and only occasionally looking at those to whom they are speaking.

  • Girls and women tend to talk at length about one topic, analyzing it from different perspectives, reflecting, ruminating, and reconsidering. Boys and men tend to touch on many different topics in their conversations, and their conversation typically emphasizes events in the world or things they have done or experienced, interspersed with a great deal of joking and teasing.

  • Women give more listener noise than men, with sounds like "mhm," "unhuh," and "yeah," to show "I'm with you." In contrast, men tend to give quiet attention to the person speaking.

  • When women are sharing personal concerns, they are often seeking empathy and understanding. Men tend to approach problems, even personal problems, more pragmatically.

  • For many women, when you state your point of view, you can reasonably expect your conversation partner to express agreement and support. Men, however, are not surprised when others disagree with them or present alternate perspectives: Debate and disagreement are essential ingredients in discussion.

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