John Chaffee, PhD. Creating A Thinking World
with John Chaffee, Ph.D. @www.thinkingworld.com

Raising Thinking Children:
How Much Freedom? How Many Limits?
"To bring up a child in the way he should go, travel that way yourself once in a while."
-Josh Billings

"Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth."
-Erma Bombeck

"Re raising kids: Love, without discipline, isn't. "
-Malcolm Forbes.

For parents, every day poses new challenges in childrearing which require clear thinking and creative action. Among the most complicated of these issues concerns freedom and limits. Most parents believe that raising healthy and responsible children involves both encouraging their child to make independent choices as well as establishing boundaries within which these choices should be made. The key question is, "What is the ideal recipe of freedom to limits?" Think about the following situations and respond to the one or ones that are of most interest to you.

 choices
6-year old child

You are the parent of a 6-year old child, Adam, who plays exuberantly and creatively with other children. However, the exuberance often spills over into dominating and controlling behavior. The creative games and dramas have to be done Adam's way or there's hell to pay. You've spoken to Adam about moderating his behavior, but he responds with open defiance or becomes sullenly withdrawn. You don't want to dampen your child's creative impulses, but you don't want him to develop socially destructive attitudes either. What do you do?


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12-year-old child

You are the parent of a 12-year-old child, Caitlin. She has a closely knit group of three friends that she spends much of her time with. If they're not talking on the phone, they're hanging out at someone's house with the door closed or off on secretive adventures that they won't tell their parents about. You don't want to interfere with Caitlin's social life, but you also feel in danger of losing touch with her and influence over her. What do you do?

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18-year-old child

Your 18-year-old child, Sean, is a senior in high school. He frequently comes in much later than his curfew on weekends, and you suspect that he's drinking alcohol, and since he and his friends drive, this is a particularly serious concern. There's also evidence that he's sexually active. He refuses to talk to you about these issues, simply saying that he's old enough to make his own decisions. The times you've tried to ground him have resulted in ferocious arguments and have poisoned the family atmosphere for days. You know that he'll be away at college next year but you feel that your relationship is spinning out of control. What do you do?

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